The Beauty of Tears

This past Sunday morning during one of our services at church, I stood in the back listening as the band led us in worship, and it brought me to tears. Not just a single, glistening tear that came from a heart moved by beautiful music…the kind of tears that require a trip to the bathroom for a make-up check and a Kleenex. The not-so-pretty kind of crying.

Is Growth Possible Without Pain?

I’ve come to find in my own life that the times I seem to grow the most are in seasons of pain and difficulty. When I experience a deep emptiness, my need for God is amplified and I cling to Him out of desperation. During those times, my prayers are more fervent and my aware of my need for grace and God’s strength is keener than ever.

But I’ve often wondered: what about the times when things are actually going pretty well? How do I remain close to God then? 

Choosing the Counterfeit

How many times have I chased after counterfeit love instead of the real thing?

God, who IS love (1 John 4:16), is always extending His hand, waiting for me to grasp it in trust and abandonment, to completely surrender to Him. But fear and pride and doubt hold me back. I hear the whisper of the serpent in the garden, telling me God is holding out on me, that love is found in the fruit and is mine for the taking, and I won’t really die…

The Ledge

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how we can’t fully experience our salvation until we fully embrace our own brokenness.

As long as we pretend that we have it all together, that we never struggle with sin or doubt or insecurity, we are not truly experiencing salvation.

Because salvation is all about need. Our need for help, for that which we don’t possess ourselves. Accepting salvation is admitting that we don’t have in us what is needed to be truly human, and we will NEVER have it in us, no matter how hard we try.

We completely see and understand this when we first accept salvation. The reason we came to Jesus was because we felt a need in ourselves, we saw the depths of our own brokenness, and realized we needed someone to lift us out of our patterns of sin that had us trapped.

But we lose sight of this along the way. Somewhere after that initial point of salvation, we come to believe that our need for grace is gone.

Stop Dreaming and Start

I live my life in the land of ideas.

My mind is consistently swimming with thoughts, plans, dreams of what I want to to do. The problem comes when the dreams never make it past my mind.

Something keeps me from doing the things I dream about. These range from the small—like cleaning out and organizing a closet—to the more significant—like writing a book or pursuing relationships with more intentionality and depth.

The Day I Fell Apart

When I recall some of my most vivid memories, they are often times when fear filled my emotions, when I was paralyzed by the sense that I might not be enough.

I can remember times of song lyrics forgotten, music notes misplaced, my fingers frozen over the black and white keys in a room full of watchful eyes. The fear takes over, tells me I’ve been found out. Now they can all see that I’m not as wonderful as they thought I was, that I’m just a normal person who has let them down.

Giving Up: My New Year’s Resolution

It’s the season of goal setting, followed by the inevitable waves of guilt as I fail to meet the endless expectations I have placed on myself. Happy New Year.

The start of a new year fools me into thinking that it’s some kind of magic “reset” button, and that I can change everything in my life that is lacking in a matter of days.

Thanksgiving Reflections

I used to hate Thanksgiving. It’s the picky eater’s worst nightmare: a holiday centered on food, a day where a massive spread lies before you, taunting you with the challenge of finding something, anything, that appeals to your taste buds. The endless glances and questions: “Is that really all you’re eating?!”

The Simple Joys of Fall

This past weekend was perfect in so many ways. The cool autumn air, colorful leaves highlighted by the rays of sunlight, and endless time to enjoy all the simple pleasures life has to offer. It was one of those satisfying weekends with the perfect blend of solitude, time with friends, a bit of productivity, and moments of joy with the love of my life. 

A Not-So-Quiet Time

We live in a noisy world. Think about how much of our day is filled with noise. We listen to the radio on the way to work. We sit through meetings all day, answer emails, return phone calls. We come home and turn on the TV, even if it’s just to have something in the background.

We are uncomfortable with silence.